We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
