R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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