my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
