How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
