smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize