Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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