I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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