If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
