Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
