he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Terrible idea I love it
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
