if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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