If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
