just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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