if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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