His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
