My friends, they love my intelligence
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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