She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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