My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
