I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
