Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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