i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
