when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Still dying that you shit outside
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
