i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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