I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
