My girlfriend figured out who you are.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
