Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
