So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
