im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Are my feet made of real feet?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
