ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
