On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Are we still banned from the library?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
