i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
It was confusing and full of hummus
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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