i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
