You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
