he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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