Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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