You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
