Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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