Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
