There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
