our cab driver is having phone sex.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
