True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Randomize
