I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
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