I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I feel like death gave me a hand job
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
