I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He's on the porch naked. Help.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
