Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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