Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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