I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
