She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
