shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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