i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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