Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I want her autograph on my taint
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
