We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
