your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
