Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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