going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
