I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
