Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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