I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
These tits shall not be calmed
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
