I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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