Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
