I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
