He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
