Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Randomize
