how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize